As I finished the first draft of what will become my next book, and then immersed myself in constructing the webpage, Dads & Kids: Health & Fitness Talk, I realized it was time for me to start blogging. I want to share my personal insights on fathering, health, and fitness. Over the years, I’ve given a lot of thought to these matters for my two sons, Scott and Phoenix, ages 37 and 6 respectively, as well as for myself. But, I’ve only publically shared bits and pieces of my life story as a dad in my scholarly publications. Now, as I begin to venture down this road, I want to frame the personal impressions I’ll be sharing in subsequent entries as a dad who happens to be a sociologist as well.
A few days ago, as Phoenix scanned cereal boxes and other printed materials, he started counting the letters in the individual words as well as the number of letters that made up sentences. His game was contagious. I noticed that “fathering” has nine unique letters. I then expanded the word play by identifying a key aspect of fathering that began with each of the nine letters. In making my somewhat arbitrary selections, I was mindful of how attributes relate to high quality fathering in the areas of health and fitness. Despite being frustrated by my self-imposed restrictions for choosing words, the set of nine attributes that emerged from this process is compelling.
Facilitator: Because I’m committed to keeping Phoenix physically active, I spend much of my time coordinating his sports involvement and triathlon training. Sometimes this involves finding a tennis or swim coach, sometimes it means I’ll contact a parent to see if our kids can get together and spend time exercising outdoors. Sometimes it means identifying and signing him up for teams and events that he would enjoy. And sometimes it involves me driving him to his practices, games, and events. In my future blogs I’ll talk a lot about the logistics and dilemmas associated with the public side of fathering. Although making things happen for kids outside the home has been a major part of mothering for decades, in recent years fathers increasingly are getting involved in this way. Coaching Phoenix’s youth sports teams in soccer, basketball, and flag-football as well as training him for triathlons provides me numerous options to create opportunities for Phoenix to interact with other kids and adults.
Attentive: In my view, it’s hard to be a good dad if you’re not attentive to your child’s health and fitness needs. For me, part of that fathering attentiveness means that I need to figure out Phoenix’s moods and how I’m going to deal with them. How hard am I going to push or even pressure him to overcome his lethargy or desire to be inside the house on a beautiful day (we get a lot of those in Florida)? A big part of how I “do” fathering involves trying to read the signs correctly that tell me I have a good shot of convincing him eventually to run, or bike, or swim, or practice basketball despite his initial reluctance. Coincidentally, the day I began to dissect the spelling and meaning of fathering, I heard LeBron James talk about how important it is for him to be sensitive to his kids’ moods when he first sees them after being away for the day.
Time manager: It has been one of my biggest challenges to encourage Phoenix to stay on task so that he can accomplish many of the things he wants to do in a day, or should do if he wants to achieve the level of success he values. Helping Phoenix develop effective time management skills is certainly no easy task, but it is a big part of fathering for me. When I’m successful, and he does things in a timely way, I know it allows him to reap the benefits of participating in multiple sports while doing well with his school work and other activities.
Healthy model: For me, I need to walk the walk if I’m going to preach to Phoenix my message of being healthy and fit. So, from my perspective, an important part of being a good dad is to demonstrate to Phoenix in all that I say and do that I’m dedicated to a healthy lifestyle that includes regular exercise, eating well, and avoiding unnecessary risk-taking.
Energizing: Because of my genes and my life choices I’ve been blessed with an abundance of physical energy. I’m almost always eager to engage Phoenix in physical activities. Unfortunately, many men, my own father included, are not as fortunate as I have been because they face physical limitations and challenging life circumstances that leave them with little energy or time to be active with their kids. Fathers with these limitations can instead harness their emotional/mental energy to boost their kids through encouraging words that support a healthy lifestyle
Ritual innovator: I find that I’m able to do a better job of promoting a healthy lifestyle for Phoenix when I’m able to achieve and reinforce not just a routine, but a ritual that is packed with symbolism and warm affinity. Our routines and rituals usually reinforce his passion for fitness activities and good eating habits. I’m particularly fond of how I encouraged Phoenix as a toddler to enjoy grocery shopping with me by placing him in a “big green machine”—a shopping cart with steering wheels that was decorated in the image of a car—while we navigated the aisles on our shopping spree.
Inspirational: To me, being a good dad demands that I help Phoenix come to appreciate the gifts of a healthy mind, body, and soul and to recognize that it is his personal responsibility to maximize his abilities and talents. Challenging my son to dream big dreams and to pursue them with dedication and determination is a key part of my job description as a dad and his youth coach. So too, my job is to challenge him to confront self-perceived obstacles and to overcome them. He understands that rain WITHOUT lightening does not prevent our outside swimming, biking, and running.
Nurturing: A few years ago I spent a lot of time thinking and writing about the meaning of being a nurturing dad (see Nurturing Dads: Social Initiatives for Contemporary Fatherhood). I find that some of my biggest struggles as a father are those times when I try to navigate a reasonable balance between a nurturing style of fathering and a hardnosed “coach” mentality that would have me trying to squeeze that last ounce of effort out of a player. So far, the plentiful hugs, kisses, and loving reassurances have allowed me to nurture, challenge, and inspire Phoenix to test his physical, emotional, and mental limits.
Generative: In the academic world, being generative describes parents’ efforts to pass on their values, life skills, and practical knowledge to their children. Encouraging Phoenix to be mindful of how he treats his body and to respect animal life by not consuming it has been front and center for me. I’ve tried to inspire his passion for exercise, competition, and healthy/ethical eating. Just this morning at 7:15 a.m., I was treated to his beaming smile as he joined me for a 12-mile adventure on his first-ever road bike which we purchased last night. The competitive spirit he is honing in his triathlon training and events took one huge leap forward when he celebrated the idea of going faster. I’m full of anticipation wondering how our upcoming rode cycling excursions will add to the bonding rituals we’ve created during the past 18 months while riding mountain bikes in nature preserves and suburban bike paths.
A few days ago, as Phoenix scanned cereal boxes and other printed materials, he started counting the letters in the individual words as well as the number of letters that made up sentences. His game was contagious. I noticed that “fathering” has nine unique letters. I then expanded the word play by identifying a key aspect of fathering that began with each of the nine letters. In making my somewhat arbitrary selections, I was mindful of how attributes relate to high quality fathering in the areas of health and fitness. Despite being frustrated by my self-imposed restrictions for choosing words, the set of nine attributes that emerged from this process is compelling.
Facilitator: Because I’m committed to keeping Phoenix physically active, I spend much of my time coordinating his sports involvement and triathlon training. Sometimes this involves finding a tennis or swim coach, sometimes it means I’ll contact a parent to see if our kids can get together and spend time exercising outdoors. Sometimes it means identifying and signing him up for teams and events that he would enjoy. And sometimes it involves me driving him to his practices, games, and events. In my future blogs I’ll talk a lot about the logistics and dilemmas associated with the public side of fathering. Although making things happen for kids outside the home has been a major part of mothering for decades, in recent years fathers increasingly are getting involved in this way. Coaching Phoenix’s youth sports teams in soccer, basketball, and flag-football as well as training him for triathlons provides me numerous options to create opportunities for Phoenix to interact with other kids and adults.
Attentive: In my view, it’s hard to be a good dad if you’re not attentive to your child’s health and fitness needs. For me, part of that fathering attentiveness means that I need to figure out Phoenix’s moods and how I’m going to deal with them. How hard am I going to push or even pressure him to overcome his lethargy or desire to be inside the house on a beautiful day (we get a lot of those in Florida)? A big part of how I “do” fathering involves trying to read the signs correctly that tell me I have a good shot of convincing him eventually to run, or bike, or swim, or practice basketball despite his initial reluctance. Coincidentally, the day I began to dissect the spelling and meaning of fathering, I heard LeBron James talk about how important it is for him to be sensitive to his kids’ moods when he first sees them after being away for the day.
Time manager: It has been one of my biggest challenges to encourage Phoenix to stay on task so that he can accomplish many of the things he wants to do in a day, or should do if he wants to achieve the level of success he values. Helping Phoenix develop effective time management skills is certainly no easy task, but it is a big part of fathering for me. When I’m successful, and he does things in a timely way, I know it allows him to reap the benefits of participating in multiple sports while doing well with his school work and other activities.
Healthy model: For me, I need to walk the walk if I’m going to preach to Phoenix my message of being healthy and fit. So, from my perspective, an important part of being a good dad is to demonstrate to Phoenix in all that I say and do that I’m dedicated to a healthy lifestyle that includes regular exercise, eating well, and avoiding unnecessary risk-taking.
Energizing: Because of my genes and my life choices I’ve been blessed with an abundance of physical energy. I’m almost always eager to engage Phoenix in physical activities. Unfortunately, many men, my own father included, are not as fortunate as I have been because they face physical limitations and challenging life circumstances that leave them with little energy or time to be active with their kids. Fathers with these limitations can instead harness their emotional/mental energy to boost their kids through encouraging words that support a healthy lifestyle
Ritual innovator: I find that I’m able to do a better job of promoting a healthy lifestyle for Phoenix when I’m able to achieve and reinforce not just a routine, but a ritual that is packed with symbolism and warm affinity. Our routines and rituals usually reinforce his passion for fitness activities and good eating habits. I’m particularly fond of how I encouraged Phoenix as a toddler to enjoy grocery shopping with me by placing him in a “big green machine”—a shopping cart with steering wheels that was decorated in the image of a car—while we navigated the aisles on our shopping spree.
Inspirational: To me, being a good dad demands that I help Phoenix come to appreciate the gifts of a healthy mind, body, and soul and to recognize that it is his personal responsibility to maximize his abilities and talents. Challenging my son to dream big dreams and to pursue them with dedication and determination is a key part of my job description as a dad and his youth coach. So too, my job is to challenge him to confront self-perceived obstacles and to overcome them. He understands that rain WITHOUT lightening does not prevent our outside swimming, biking, and running.
Nurturing: A few years ago I spent a lot of time thinking and writing about the meaning of being a nurturing dad (see Nurturing Dads: Social Initiatives for Contemporary Fatherhood). I find that some of my biggest struggles as a father are those times when I try to navigate a reasonable balance between a nurturing style of fathering and a hardnosed “coach” mentality that would have me trying to squeeze that last ounce of effort out of a player. So far, the plentiful hugs, kisses, and loving reassurances have allowed me to nurture, challenge, and inspire Phoenix to test his physical, emotional, and mental limits.
Generative: In the academic world, being generative describes parents’ efforts to pass on their values, life skills, and practical knowledge to their children. Encouraging Phoenix to be mindful of how he treats his body and to respect animal life by not consuming it has been front and center for me. I’ve tried to inspire his passion for exercise, competition, and healthy/ethical eating. Just this morning at 7:15 a.m., I was treated to his beaming smile as he joined me for a 12-mile adventure on his first-ever road bike which we purchased last night. The competitive spirit he is honing in his triathlon training and events took one huge leap forward when he celebrated the idea of going faster. I’m full of anticipation wondering how our upcoming rode cycling excursions will add to the bonding rituals we’ve created during the past 18 months while riding mountain bikes in nature preserves and suburban bike paths.
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